The intruders of OCD: Intrusive thoughts

This week was International OCD Awareness Week. People around the world recorded videos with the #OCDWeek hashtag, donated money, hosted fundraisers. I chose to write this article.

The thought came to me when I realise how out of control my mind is sometimes. Why would I think myself into an absolute panic about my boyfriend cheating on me? Why would I be convinced someone has broken into my second-floor flat when I hear a strange sound, even though I know the door is locked and I am surrounded by electric fencing? Why would I all of a sudden fear that my cat has been mauled by a monkey because I didn't wake up to him purring on my bed?

These thoughts are intruders. They are intrusive thoughts.

I do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), although sometimes I am convinced when I search my strange habits on the Internet only to be told that I am a loony that needs help. Similar to that one time I thought I had a brain tumour because of a strange pain in my neck (what I'm trying to say is: don't self-diagnose via the interwebs). But, in light of this important week of awareness, I thought I would explore one prevalent aspect of the disorder to enlighten the world and to give those suffering from it a voice.

First off, let's throw in some basic facts to get the ball rolling.

What I am hoping to explore is the 'intrusive thoughts' aspect of this condition. Intrusivethoughts.org offer some extraordinary resources to people wanting to know more, including an interview series with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Steven Phillipson.

"I wanted to find out why people were having such strong reactions to things that they realised were irrational and unnecessarily burdensome," Dr. Phillipson explains when asked about how he became interested in this particular aspect of OCD. He also redefines intrusive thoughts in that they are instead "creative associations" that the brain creates. Whilst we might give our brains a lot of license to generate these kinds of associations, and are able to deal with them rationally, the difference in people with OCD is that their brain reacts as if there is a crisis going on. "People with OCD have this avalanche of distress that, in their efforts to seek relief from, actually creates a vicious cycle that reinforces to the brain the idea that there is actually something wrong," Dr. Phillipson explains. As if OCD wasn't already life-altering and handicapping, these debilitating thoughts make things worse.

If you are someone with OCD reading this, or you are simply reading out of interest, there are three main categories of intrusive thoughts:

1) Thoughts about violence - that one might act in a harmful way towards others, that one has actually committed a violent act, or that one is capable of committing a violent act.

2) Thoughts about sex - one might have thoughts that involve finding an underage person sexual.

3) Thoughts about religion - thoughts about negativity towards God, or anything else that is considered blasphemous, where one is overwhelmed by the feeling that they might be in danger.

In exploring and researching this topic, I wanted to find out if there were any other people like me who experienced intrusive thoughts either on a hilarious and irrational level, or on a genuinely dark and terrifying level. Some of the responses I got were astounding and incredibly reassuring that there is no such thing as being alone in this.

Although only 13 people took part in my survey, I feel it is a large enough sample to show the commonality of intrusive thoughts. Of the 13, six currently have OCD, eight have anxiety, and seven have depression. Answers included:

"Thinking I was going to fail or die alone because of all my past shortcomings and flaws."

"The thought of my mom dying and images of scenarios of how it would happen usually take over my brain on some days and cripple me emotionally and I cannot control it, even when I try think or imagine other things, it just won't go away."

"When I rode pillion, I spent the kilometres picturing myself being thrown onto the shoulder of the road. I thought about what the impact would feel like, and I imagined the different scenarios presented by concrete, grass, gravel, and so on. I don't ride pillion any more but I still have such thoughts whenever I'm in a train or any other fast-moving vehicle. And when I'm in an airplane, I think about my body hitting the ocean below. It'd be like dropping onto blue cement."

It should be known that there are ways to cope with thoughts that invade your mind and life and don't seem to want to go away. Three important things that need to be included in your life if you feel you need help include education, healthy living, and treatment. Remember, you do not have to go through this alone.

#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OCD #intrusivethoughts #mentalhealth